On June 21st I decided that I'd harness the energy of the summer solstice and sat down with a pen and a new journal. I wrote "New Season> New LIfe. Moving Forward. With: Peace, abundance, confidence, support, awareness, love, Z, new car, safety, excitement, strength, ambition, success, pure joy."
The next page has "Old views on love that I release." They include control, power, guilt, exhaustion, manipulation, poverty, suffocating, powerless, alone, finite, painful, unattainable, vulnerable, judged, indebted, unavailable, non existent, fraudulent and exclusive. Holy shit, huh? Those were some negative views on love. All very much earned or reinforced by the people I've met on my journey. It was time to shift.
The next page is titled "My New Views on Love." Are you ready? I'm baring my soul to you here, but there's a reason. Here goes:
I am worthy of love. Love can be easy. and simple. and complex. Love is availble to me. Someone loves me unconditionally and fully. I am able to redognize their love and embrace it. Love is FUN! Passion can and does last forever. I know who I am. I am respected. honored. loved. valued. Faithfulness exists and will exist in my relationship. I am second to no one. I am treated like a queen. Love feels secure. Love is comfortable. I am heard and supported. Zachary feels loved and safe. I become part of a family. It feels ok to be vulnerable. We are a team. I have true love. The next page I wrote out the qualities I'm looking for in my love, and then I wrote a letter to the universe and gave thanks and may have added a few more requests. Why not, right? One paragraph inluded:
"Thank you for keeping the perfect man at bay untilI was really ready. I know that now I am, so feel free to work your magic and allow our paths to cross. Feel free to make it ridiculously obvious for both of us, too, please."
Well, our paths crossed in August and if I were to go through the list of qualities I was hoping for he's every single one of them. It has been so much fun and we totally are a team! Z loves him, and I have never allowed myself to be this vulnerable while fully trusting that he and I have created a sacred safe space in which we can both share, grow and comfort each other. I think this is that true love that people talk about, that I never really understood.
So, if you are ready for your true love and haven't thought to really throw it up to the powers that be, give it a shot. I guess all the bullshit I've been through was worth it. I always knew it was, but I am grateful there's light on the horizon. No, that's not true. There's light all around me. Us.