Today I had a reading with my friend Chelsea Latham. She and I go about things in totally different ways, but she's really great at identifying and clearing blocks and that's what I needed. One of the things she told me to do was to acknowledge my life story but to also rewrite it in some way. I've decided to write my younger self some letters and let "her" heal. I'm ready to move forward and rock this life, but I need to let go of some of the emotional baggage I've been carrying and acknowledge where any self limiting beliefs were formed.
So here I go.
Dear baby Sara,
You are an absolutley gorgeous baby. I know, when your mom found out she was pregnant she was a little worried. It had taken quite some time for you to arrive on the scene and maybe she didn't fully believe it was happening! Her fear means there could have been some fear instilled in you right from the start. It's time to let that go.
Hey, you've heard the story about the day you were born, right? I know you have because you tell it to your son every year on your birthday. But I'm going to tell you again because maybe this will help you let go of some shit. Sorry. Stuff. I forgot you're just a baby! It was a super cold day with brignt blue skies. Your mom knew it was time to go to the hospital and just as they were about to leave the house your dad said, "Stop! Shhhhhh! Can you hear that?" Your mom said, "Hear what?" He said this is the last time this house will be quiet." Pretty cool that he said that, huh? Makes him a little more lovable when you hear me tell it to you, doesn't it?
Then you were born. And you were a girl. Now here's the thing and I'm going to be brutally honest with you. Your mom loved your dad SOOOOOO much, and she knew how badly he wanted a boy. But you were a girl. Missing some parts perhaps? Let me shift your perspective a bit. They were obviously thrilled to have a healthy baby! Your mom even told you how she counted your 10 fingers and 10 toes and it was magical. But perhaps there was a tiny bit of disappointment on her end. Well, baby Sara, that's not your problem. You actually WERE born perfect and I'm here to get you back to that space as an almost 44 yearl old woman. So just let that belief go. Poof! Gone.
What's that? You want to talk about the cradle your dad built you? Alright. So your dad did build you this HUGE cradle. It was about 4' long, 2' wide at least and it had long footboards along each side so your mom could rock it using her foot. That's great but it created a huge space for you to fill. You had to feel absolutely worthy of filling up that cradle made for a king. Or queen. But you were a girl instead of a boy and as we'll see in future blog we'll also see how expectations were pretty high and you just weren't foofy. You're still not and that's what I love about you, but I'm pretty sure that has been a challenge for you.
So my dear baby Sara. You actually were loved. And it's time to be glad that you were the first born because you always felt that you had to prove how great you were. Sucked at the time, but you are a little competitive (in some very bizarre ways) and it's gotten you to where you are today. Congratulations! You really were born awesome and I hope this reminds you of that.
Love,
your almost 44 year old self.