Happy Saint Patricks day!
Today would have been my moms 65th birthday. She's been gone (dead, in heaven, deceased, on the other side) for almost 10 years. How surreal is that? She died suddenly on her morning walk when a driver didn't see her because of the suns glare on the windshield. I've always been at peace with how she died, but have felt the grief and the emptiness of not having a mom around to call, to share milestones with and to rub my back when I was sick. The birth of my son, the first time I took him strawberry picking (God she would have loved that!) and the first time he told me to look out the window because the sky was beautiful are some of the biggies I wish she was here for. Physically here, flesh and skin. Able to hug me. That kind of "here."
Zachary is a unique little boy who undoubtedly feels Grammy Mary Ellen's presence. One evening while I was cooking dinner he asked if I missed my mom. I said I did. He then said, "Hang on, I'll pull her out of the light in my belly." He took a breath in, held his hand to his belly, made a motion as if to throw something to me, and said "There she is! Say hi!" So I did. I felt a woosh of energy, got goose bumps, and know she was there. Then he took a breath in, exhaled, and said "Well that was nice, huh?" Yup. My witchy little boy helped me remember that she is always around when I need her.
Saint Patricks day was a fitting day for my moms birthday. She was the last of 6 kids in an Irish Catholic household. Every year since her death, I've had a party (someties a party with just me) and done something to pay homage to her. My mother loved going on walks. She loved skiing, painting, playing piano and being silly. And she loved Talbots. Thats worth mentioning. I bet their profits dropped shen she left.... So today, I am not feeling like a hike. I am not feeling inspired to ski but I am going to get a good book, sit on my deck wrapped in an authentic Irish mohair and wool blanket and remember how lucky I was to have mom for as many years as I did. I've already gone through a few tissues today, too, which caught me off guard.
So food for thought. When someone you love dies, do you honor them on their birthday? Do you struggle on the day they died? Which day is more important? The year anniversary of my moms death I had no idea that it was THAT DAY. My father called, and I was concerned that he was home and not at work. I was afraid that he was sick or something had happened. It took a few minutes to figure out he was struggling with her death day, and my first thought was "I wonder if he took her birthday off, too?"
Enjoy your day and know that if you met my mom, you're better for it. If you didn't, I hope you have someone just as wonderful as she was in your life.
Love,
Sara
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