Me again! I need a way to get back in the habit of writing, since I'm planning on publishing lots of books soon, so there will be lots of blog posts coming up. Today I'm going to tell you about my million dollar year.
It hasn't cost me a full million, but it's been a very expensive year. My dad had his hip replaced a year ago this past February. I went down to be with him, but it wasn't something I was looking forward to. It actually seemed like a huge pain in the ass to be honest. I wasn't sure he'd do so well during the surgery or recovery, I had to juggle my schedule, and my attitude going into it was what you could call "sour." He did really well and that was sort of that.
Then in August Z and I went down to visit him and I ended up in the hospital with a really unhappy gallbladder. I had no heads up that this organ was planning on ruining the last week of summer with my son and Gramps, but it certainly shifted the way that week went. We got down there Monday and I was very sick that night. Still managed to go to the zoo the next day, then met my aunt and Z's cousin the next day and had a blast at the Acton Children's Museum. Then the sick thing hit harder than my labor contractions (that may not be true, but it was a close runner up) and I had to tell my dad I needed to go to the hospital ASAP. It happened to be 8:30 at night and my 7 year old son was in tow when we got to the ER.
Here's where part of the million comes in. I was uninsured. CHA CHING! Please don't judge me for being unisured. It wasn't the situation I wanted to be in, but it is what it is. For the record I'm insured now. Back to the story. I had surgery on Thursday. So my dad and Z got some quality time, which they've never really had much of in the past. They'd never done an over night or been alone together for more than a few hours. Dad stepped up and so did Z. They made a really good team and took good care of me when I got discharged Friday afternoon.
During that incident I had to figure out a way to get Z back to NH. I am not so great at taking help from others, but my friend Ryan totally stepped up and he and his little boy met my dad half way. I had to sort of surrender my pride and ego and accept that Ryan was willing to go out of his way to help me, and I'm so grateful that he did.
By the middle of the next week I wasn't doing so well. All the medications had me "blocked up." To put it politely. I was holding on to shit, to phrase it bluntly. And I had to ask my dad to help me let go of my shit, most of which I had blamed him in some way of creating. He didn't actually feed me food that made my digestive system stop working, but there are all those moments during my lifetime where I felt powerless or affected by the dynamics between me and my father. Shit. It was shit and I was still holding on to it. He went to the pharmacy and soon I was letting go of a lot of stuff! That first trip to the bathroom felt like I'd just won a million dollars. Ew, huh? It's true. And you're still reading, so obviously you're not too grossed out!
Then this past October I needed to work out of town on a weekend I had Z. My dad came up and they had a great time! Had I not gone through the gall bladder incident, this probably wouldn't have been possible. Gramps and his grandson bonded.... And I didn't worry at all that they'd be ok together, because I'd let go of some of my shit a few months prior. See how that works?
Fast forward to this March. I had been calling my dad and he didn't answer his phone for a few days. Turns out he was in the hospital with some heart issues and he didn't want me to worry so he just didn't tell me until three days in. I wasn't so happy about that, but I could appreciate why he chose to handle it that way. He said he'd need open heart surgery and I requested that he please not have it the weekend of a coed hockey tournament I was in, because I haven't been able to play much and it was one of my favorite events to play in. They scheduled it for the day the hockey tournemant started. Deep sigh.
Now in the past, I would have played hockey. Dad has an amazing girlfriend, Fran, who has earned a halo and some angel wings in this lifetime. But because of the prior year and my shifting perspective of my father, I bailed on the tournmant, took Z out of school a little early and headed down to MA to be with him before and during the surgery. This involved lots of trips back and forth, almost a 3 hour drive each way. I have put well over 3,000 miles on my car in the past month alone. And you know what? I had a blast!
I seemed to have let go of judgement. It felt really good. Dad and I may not always agree on how things should be done, what food expiriation dates really mean, and lots of other things. This time, though, I was there for him completely. And it made it a very enjoyable experience. Sure it helped that when my dad was on heavy duty pain killers he thought he had been moved to a hospital in Russia. Or when he kept asking the nurse if the wind always made the building sway so much. Hahahahahaha! I still crack up when I think of that!
While I was down there I enjoyed going to the grocery store, getting meals ready, doing my readings either outside on the few warm sunny days or in my childhood room. My brother PJ moved home a week or two into dads recovery, and it gave him and I an opportunity to connect. I'm not saying reconnect, because I wouldn't say we ever really had that close relationship many siblings have. But when I returned for a full week with Z in tow, we made quite a good family unit. Complete with dysfunctional moments and everything! But it was really nice. And it was worth a million dollars.
So. How to wrap this blog up.... I don't know! I feel really good about where I am in my life. I owe over $32,000 in medical bills and I have no idea how I'm going to pull that off. But the four scars on my belly remind me of how much I've actually healed this past year. Dad has wayyyyyy bigger scars than mine. Thank god my heart has remained intact throughout my 41 years! It just gets bruised here and there, but it's getting stronger by the day.
Looking back as I type this I can see the shift in my attitude, which has resulted in a shift with my family dynamics, and I'm letting go of the need to judge them for the way they are. They just are. And I just am. And I'm ok with it! High five to me! That's how I'm going to end this blog post.
With a huge HIGH FIVE!!!!!!