I have been trying to write a blog about this for a few days, but every time I started whatever I had in my head just wouldn't come out. When I write it's like I don't think; it just flows, similar to when I give a reading. I'm feeling the flow so I'm going to try it again!
Background. I was raised Catholic, my mom would drag us to church to the Saturday 4pm mass unless the Patriots were playing on Sunday and Father Hudgins was preaching. He liked to watch the games so he let us out early. We'd go on Sundays if that was the case. I just remembered that there were a lot of times my mom would have us sneak out right after communion. LOL! Anyway, I didn't like what the priests had to say, I didn't like the rules, I still don't like weddings or funerals that use the word repent, sinner, hell, or that imply that we failed in any way during our lifetime and the only way we'll get into heaven is if the prayers are good enough to open the gates.
More recent. When my son was born we didn't baptize him. I was taught that you do that so that if they die their soul will go to heaven. I believe that his soul was born perfect, and if he was going "home" or to heaven he had a free pass. If I was closer with my family, maybe I would have done it for the party. I can tell you I only got confirmed because of the party and gifts. When I told the priest that in my fianal meeting before the event he acted like he didn't hear it and changed the subject.
Last year. I took Z to his best friends first communion. We were sitting in the church and he felt god touch his neck. He jumped, and gave me quite a look and told me so! I told him that god wanted him to sit quietly. Afterwards, we had quite the conversation. Why did only some of the kids get first communion? I told him because some people believe by going to church and getting baptized and communion they are going to heaven, but if you don't you aren't. He said "That's silly! I'm going to heaven." Yup. Then we went to the celebration at the friends house after. This is where his brain started churning.
On the way home, Z said, "So, I go to the church and do that thing they did, then I get a party and gifts?" Hmmmmm. There's a little more to it than that. "I want to do it for the party!" My kind of kid. But I told him you had to go to school or ccd to do that. He said "Nevermind." When he asks about God I tell him that God is all around us and within each and every one of us. He knows that. He prays to angels, and it works! He has always loved looking at my angel cards and Michael was always the one he'd pull out and stare at. He knows that he big one, Angel Michael, always has his back.
He often asks why do people go to church? I tell him that some people like to go because they think God lives there (in spirit) and he can hear them better there. I've offered to take him and so far he's said no thank you. But he does love funerals, which is another story all together! But you know what? My kid has a pretty good grasp on this God guy. He's not afraid of him, or thinking that he was born a sinner. He asks me all sorts of questions about him and I do my best to answer them. I can't remember all the bible stories, but I'm trying to piece it all together as it comes up!
Here's what I've been really trying to say to you. You have a piece of God in you. You have a light that shines in you, through you and around you. It is divine. You can ask this higher power (I use God because people usually know who or what I'm talking about, although all of our versions of it may be different) to help you shine but remember that you were BORN to shine. It's inherent. Turn it on!
Finally, I want to tell you that you can make religion or God or the Universe or Spirit anything you want it to be. If the way you've been taught doesn't resonate with you but you like some aspects of it, take those and put them in your pocket. You shouldn't be living in FEAR that you're going to hell or being judged all the time. You should be living with LOVE knowing that that is what you are really worthy of, and how you treat others allows them to feel this love as well.
I think I just opened the door for another blog post about how you can make your own religious beliefs. Sort of. Stay tuned for that one! I feel the need to do the obligatory "I'm sorry if this offended you." It is not my intent. It's merely my thoughts on paper, coming from my heart. My views are subject to change, and for now this is what feels right for me.
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