This has been the summer of Sara, according to one of my friends. I have been faced with lots of opportunities to have fun, feel loved, valued, appreciated, helpful, empowered and silly. Last winter a friend superimposed emotions and power words around a close up picture of my face. Free, Silly, Bliss, Loved, Vibrant. Those are the feelings I wanted to experience, and for the most part I'm feeling quite successful reaching that goal. There's one word that I'm still working on. Free.
What did I mean by saying I wanted to be free? I want to live my life in a way that money comes and goes and that I'm financially secure. Free of worry. Financial Abundance. Just like clockwork, the universe has given me many opportunities to get there. I had gallbladder surgery in August, which came to $32,000. I turned on my heat a week ago and the boiler died. $600 part not including labor. No worries, I'll use my woodstove, right? Called to schedule my chimney sweep and apparently he passed away last year.
Are you chuckling? You should be because I can't make this stuff up. So it made me ask myself the question, "Why am I afraid of financial success?" You may find this interesting. Growing up, were weren't wealthy. We had a pool so everyone thought we were the rich kids. We weren't. My dad was out of work when I was in late elementary or early middle school and my mom financially supported the family. When she made money, it went to supporting the family. I got a job and became used to having some cash in my pocket to travel or do things with my friends.
Then one day I needed school clothes, and I was told that I had money to buy them. But why didn't my brother have to buy his? Well, he didn't have a job. It felt like I was being punished for being successful. Yes I had money, but why did I have to spend it on things like my clothes? If I hadn't worked my parents would have bought them for me, just like they did for him. As I type this I'm healing because I WANT to be able to support myself and I have for many years! Exhale that old thinking out and high five to me for being able to do all that starting in 5th grade. I was an awesome babysitter, too. I worked at the LIttleton Apotehcary and babysat. I'm now happy that I was able to do that, and I'm grateful for my work ethic. And you know what? I would love to have some self made money to go buy something for me right now.
I guess I've said what I had to get out. There are many more examples I could give you about how I got my views of money but instead I'm going to tell you that I'm ready. When I ask what is my fear with making money? "There is none. I'm ready and excited to buy the car that I really wanted, to take my son to storyland and buy myself a wardrobe that makes me feel sexy and good. I'm going to have enough money to take time to write my books and travel whenever I want to! I am already on the right path because things are flowing and I'm loving life." I have a job I absolutely love and every time I do it I help someone see the light in some aspect of their life. I have freedom.
And you know what came out of the gallbladder incident (besides my gallbladder?) I reconnected with my dad and my family. My brother even called me a few times to see how I was doing. This past week I saw my aunts and some cousins and I already MISS them. I have turned a page in my story and the next chapter will include financial security and independence because it's what I deserve and what I desire.
Woah, as I just typed that a flock of geese is honking overhead beginning their journey south. Maybe they'll carry my remaining fears away and my next blog post will include a picture of me rocking a new outfit and holding the rough draft of my first novel. Stay tuned. It's coming.