Last night I couldn't sleep (shocker, huh?) and I was digging through my phone. I found something I had written a few years ago about how my perceptions of my body were molded. I have no memory of writing it and reading it was a little painful. It was spot on and brutally honest.
I was a heavy kid. I was made fun of and learned to hide behind my body. I became popular when I got boobs, which then made me kind of pissed off. That just didn't seem right, since I was the same person with a flat chest but now these gave me status. Stupid boobs. Stupid people.
I was able to hide within myself and build up layers of insulation. They still exist today. I go through phases where I need more insulation, like now, and then I stick my head up and realize I'm safe and awesome and then the layers seem to disappear withouth much effort. I'm sticking my head up. And I'm going to start loving my body again. Especially since it's the only one I have for a long time! And I'm not going anywhere because things are about to get fantastic!
So how am I going to honor my body today? Well... I'm going to enjoy what it's capable of. Even though it's raining I'm going to dance my butt off tonight with Z and his friends. I'm going to take a bath and soak in the healing salt water. And as I go about my day I'll remember my boobs are part of my womanhood and deserve to be celebrated. And yes, they usually get celebrated when little bits of food fall into or onto them. I don't think that's exactly what they had in mind. So I'll just celebrate with a good bra or something......
Maybe someday I'll post the entire piece I wrote. Not yet.