My mom died 13 years ago tomorrow. June 5th, 2001 was the day she was hit by a car and killed. I've written about that day in many jounals and as parts of books that will some day be published. This spring I have started writing a book about death. It's not a morbid book, but more to help us understand what happens to people when they die and how they do their best to communicate with us who remain alive. In honor of my mom's death day anniversary, which is a day I pretty much refuse to honor, I'm sharing a snippet of my book from the chapter Voices From the Past.
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Now that you know how I chat with people on the other side and the ways that I receive my information, I’d like to show you what those conversations are like. As much as I hear from my mom these days, I’ve never asked her what she experienced when she died. So this is going to be interesting for all of us! I’m going to close my eyes and simply type what she says. I won’t edit her words or phrases, so things may not be coming out in my style of speaking.
Hi Ma.
HI Sa. This is so exciting! Do you think they’ll listen to what we have to say? (slightly impish smile on her face.) Tell them what I look like!
Mom is all white and floaty. She is very ethereal and sometimes she comes through as I remember her at the age of 56 when she died, but typically she is very breezy and white.
What do you want to know? How I died?
Ok.
Well, I was on this beautiful walk, and I was right near the library I used to take the kids. Its’ a bad intersection but I was sort of in my own world. All of a sudden it was like an angel swooped down and carried me up and all the way to heaven. I just remember being lifted up. They told me not to look down, that my time had come and that I was going to be ok. But not to look. I loved my body. My knees hurt, my back hurt, but I took pride in it and I don’t think they wanted me to see it. She chuckles. I always pass out at the sight of blood, hahahaha! So I just kept looking up but I had my eyes closed. Then I saw pure white. When I arrived I saw people but they weren’t really in human form. They were sort of iridescent shiny images of themselves, but only briefly. Mom mother was exactly as I remember her. She was more solid. She put her arms out to me and pulled me to her chest. My dad was all blue energy. I went to him and sort of merged with him for a little bit. It felt so good. No words, just warmth and tingles. I saw our old beagle archie, who had died in a car accident before you were born. He was so excited to see me!
Was Lucy there? (our black lab that was so old by the time they put her down)
No, I didn’t see her right away. She was there but didn’t come running up to me. I was more excited to see the people and just kind of melt into them. They gave me some of their energy and I ended up in a sort of floating cocoon of energy. I didn’t realize I was going to go and it was like a dream where you think it’s real but you’re not sure and you wake up and doze off and then you just take it for what it is and trust that you are safe. I also got blessed. As I was waking up I started to realize that I was in heaven. I received confession and god put his hands on my head and blessed me. Smiling. That’s funny, because I sort of turned against him in some ways. He’s much nicer than I was told he is. Every thing looked so brilliant, like the best paintings but it was real. Kind of blurred edges so you couldn’t tell the beginning of one thought from the end of another.
Did you see us?
Smile. I did. You were very strong. Your father was very strong. Bows head when thinking about family missing her. Not apologizing, either. Total silence. She’s stopped talking.
Is there anything else you’d like to say?
I love Zachary! (that’s my son!) He has your eyes and I love that he can hear me. I tell him what to say to you sometimes. I would have had him in matching outfits that he would have hated. It is ok that I only know him this way. I told him to come down and knew him before he was yours. He was a little reluctant to come. Until you told him you were ready. Then he ran, dove and jumped right down and in! He has a lot to do here and you need to listen to him because he is telling you things in very subtle ways. He won’t come right out and ask for things but he is trying to get you to find the answers. You should listen to what he isn’t saying; it’s just as important as what he is saying. Give him crayons for the tub. You had those and loved them, but I didn’t want you getting them everywhere. Let him have some fun and then he’ll wipe it off. Those are so much fun!
Where do you hang out?
Here. There. Mostly here these days. Some of you need to learn your lessons and I can’t interfere. I can be support but you have to ask me for what you need or else I have to sit on my hands and wait it out. You’re all still living and I’m now waiting for you to get here so we can do a life review. I’m working with my elders to really find a way to celebrate the success I found in this lifetime. I need to realize that God exists in all of us, and why so many people are fighting to have their version of him or her heard and why we feel the need to squelch the belief systems of others that challenge our traditional views.
Thanks ma!
Love you babes. Keep listening. You still have work to do!
In true mom fashion, she makes sure I know what she has to tell me before she floats away. When I say that I can see her float away I feel her energy to my right gently swirl away like a thick piece of translucent ribbon in a breeze.
Wow. I hadn't reread what I had written until right now. Pretty amazing journey I'm on. I miss you Ma. Maybe tomorrow I'll check in a little more but since it's the day before THE day I felt better about posting it today. And not THE day. lol! I still prefer to party for you on your birthday and will always honor that tradition! I love you mom. Hard to believe it's been 13 years....
Sara
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